22nd August 2008

Life is just UNFAIR... !!!
I don't know why I feel like this D:
Everyone Hated me for what I did; but it's not my fault TT
Am I that stupid, or a horrible person?
Because of what I did, you have to hate me behind my back?
I'm just feeling broken inside.
No one really cared,
I have nothing left to smile. =(
It's the end of me.
-----------------------------------------

21st August 2008

I had thought about this poem and would like just to share it out,

"Because I'm Different"

You've have seen me walking in my own shadow,
being isolated from every single soul;
it has been painful, but I had no choice to bear
the pain.
Because I'm hated.

It's any other normal day; getting bullied by hooligans,
pushed and kicked around like a sphere ball.
I've never realised the pain i'm going through,
but I think it's perfectly normal for anyone to face problems.
But not everyone goes through this predicament, only
Because I'm dislikened.

I'm never treated the same like everyone else,
be it appearance, character, not anything else.
I keep falling back, spending my time pondering,
on the bad memoirs I've kept. No one to help me up,
Because I'm a weirdo.

"Why?" I ask myself, "Is it so hard to be friends with me?
Not to get ill-treatment because of my condition?
Is life that unfair? But Why??"
The answer finally came and pounced on me
it's Because I'm Different. + End +

If you can understand this poem, you will know how i'm feeling TT.
Today was my english O lever oral exams, hopefully I will make it, :D
gt a C5 for chemistry, not too bad but can be better ! ^^
Looking forward to a better tomorrow, I know I owed alot of assignments, but I will get them done ASAP.
Have to go sleep now, hope this poem helps to make you understand what i'm going through :D
BYE! ^.^

16th August 2008

Nothing happened today, only to know that it was really very boring.
Woke up at 10.50AM, don't know why but I overslept some way or the other.
Did nothing in the morning except watching the boring olympics.. Oh and by the way congrats to SG sort of, getting a medal, don't know its gonna be silver or gold but shall find out tomorrow!
Yuhhs I gotta admit, I played Audi for awhile since I was damn bored with almost nothing to do..
Stopped at around 3, guess what? My audi mei msg me after so long liaos.. Rofl, crazy lor, very de unexpecting kinda?
Slacked around until 5 reading archie comics, went out to thompson plaza had thai express for dinner .. Walked around there, wasn't really of much fun.
Came back at 7.18pm, used the lappy and watched soccer on TV as the new season has kicked off lols.. Man almost nicked the 1st prize 4D, $25k we've almost grabbed damned.. 1320 >> 2320!! ==
watched until 9.45, went back to my room, continued with audi .
Here I am now, 12am on the 17th, can't play computer tomorrow, gotta chiong for my chemistry as well.. LOL monday I go copy the POA homework from my friend, don't feel like doing it sort of..
Guess I'm signing off, going to sleep ..
NITES lol ;D
--SIGNED OFF 12:10AM, 17th August 2008--

15th August 2008

How should I start? Oh yes! We had PE yesterday and our rugby test isn't until next friday. Oh great and we played rugby practicing in the process as well. Comes 12.30pm. I was in the 4E1 classroom for english, and guess what one of the pupils saw outside the window.. A burglar breaking into the house!
His yelling sort of caught the attention of the whole class and was distracted.
Stupid sia he go shout at de fellow he surely will run ma.
So anyway after awhile the police came, went up to the wrong floor somemore..
5th floor and when they got to the scene, he's already gone.
Mr. Latiff went over to give the report on the burglar.. Man were we distracted by tt stupid burglar..
SO he escaped, drama lasted for 30minutes or so.. And the police were finally gone after they couldn't wait any longer .
So.. Yupp we had maths after that, kinda boring as usual.
Went back home for a while, freshen up and headed back to school by 2:27pm,
SSS didnt start until 2:50pm, guess what its maths SSS n SDSP today..
Didn't had a choice but to focus on the lesson, got back the test paper and oh well, at least it was some sort of improvement! (Ain't bad for a potential failure rite?)
Focused and concentrated on the lesson , bearing the time with only a 37Degree isotonic drink to fill my empty stomach , all the way until 5pm.
spend the rest of the 1 hour 30 minutes revising my maths, yuhhs I aso did accompany Ghufran for a while, aint so bad walking around the school.. better than sitting on the bench with a sore back side lols!
6;30! Night Study starts! Continued on the same subject, maths again!
revised on everyday mathematics, and basic arithmatic and mensuration.. Tried to absorb the formulae and theories.. Did manage to get in lols.
Listened to my itouch, better than hearing loud chatters and noises coming from across the cateen! RAWR!
Strived until 8:30pm, the programme ends! well Mdm Koh did talk to me for awhile concerning whether if I should retake my MTL exams and I said, "I will consider".. Yuhhs i gt 5 subjects to concentrate on especially my maths, Can't afford to fail it!
8:33pm, left the school compound. Went home, but hey its nice walking in the night though lols!
MSNED for awhile with JiaHui for awhile, and slept after that!

Next morning! 6:55 out of bed into my uniform and at 7:07 I was well on my way, came downstairs. And guess what? I saw my schoolmate who is my neighbour either ! It's funny I've always been like a coincidence that I see her almost everytime.. It's strange I've always been seeing her as well for the past few months, and this is going on for sometime now.. Yuhhs I should have taken the opportunity to say hi and then again; there's always next week! :D *She seems nice really; should I take the chance to get to know her better? Oh never mind; that's the least of my worries. (: *
Reached the compound at 7:20. Wasn't late again as usual..
Hey good news; got back my long awaited Literature test and guess what again? 20.5 / 25! Finally a A1! Been waiting so long for that grade,
But.. I have to see that grade more often on my certificate (:*
Came combined Humans.. had a Social Studies test on SBQ, about 9-11 with Osama and CO. crazy I used the inference and usefulness skill.. Hope I'll get a decent grade, will be appearing on my result slip by the way;
Nothing much after that, 12:50 I headed straight home, NOT retaking my MTL exam!
Glad mum came back today, was able to share the news with her concerning my ACE lols.
Went on a car ride, went to refill the petrol in her car.
Ate Eva's Magnum ice cream and to tell you, its great! ($3.90 ice cream stick what do you expect except a good quality?)
But sadly mum got classes tonight, won't be seeing her until 10 but never minds..
Had fried rice for lunch, so I didn't had anything for dinner.
Suppose to do the assignment mum assigned me to do. But I left the answer key in school!
Can't do the work, will explain to mum later; surely she'll understand (:.
Gotta sign off now, sorry to readers if you find my entry UNSUALLY long today, its yesterday's and today's events!
Going to eat now! I'm starved!
Byebye ^^
--SIGNED OFF 9:11PM, 15th August 2008--

14th August 2008

im just posting de nite study programme photos; will be talking all about it tomorrow in my next post!
Gd Nite! =P :D


Today's night study! Studying the horrors of mathematics OMG MAN!


Along the bench , everyone's work in action!


19:28 .. man so long into the night study, cant wait to get home to slp man!


walking out of de sch.. 8:33pm .. oh home sweet home! =D


my sch at nite.. man at least its better den day time, wonder if dere is nite class? =P

12 August 2008

Today was sooooo stupid! damn..
1st, had to sit outside the stupid poa room just because I didn't know how to do my erm homework ya homework..
2nd, damn and they had to call my parent sia wtf.. one molehill transformed into a mountain?? Come off it this isn't really a serious matter and its not the "Transformers" movie rite??
3rd, release of the stupid chinese O result, ooh guess what? I GOT F... damn that really killed the rest of my day. And you won't believe it, 125 / 129 candidates actually passed their MTL oh my god..
Guessed i'm really ashamed of myself, I was speechless.. For that I was traumatised for the next 5 hours or so -.-||.

SSS and SDSP WHOOOO WHEEee... boring as usual; SSS was chemistry and we learnt the boring mole concept which anyone in this school knows how to do maybe?
SDSP.. Physics, guessed what? A new bible and its free hahas! Unlike that stupid POA bible where I paid $8.00 for it .. Cool isn't it? At least I didn't have to spend any of my allowance from it.

Today, was the start of de ye'ole NIGHT STUDY PROGRAMME!! It was 5 when i got released from my classes and headed to the canteen, wanted to leave school to eat at the coffeeshop nearby and fuck it was raining like cats and dogs and I had to stay in school, only tidbits and a bun to satisfy my hunger for the rest of the day!

Heres how it goes, 1st I studied my physics bible for the past 1 half hours until 6.30 where the programme began. Studied chemistry doing the rate of reaction homework and some studying as well until 8, and then i spent the last half hour revising de horrors of maths! omg!
But all didn't out to be so bad. 8.30 we were released from school,
walking out of the school gates, on a cold night. Cool ! (:

gotta sign off now, nvm abt wad happen today, i still hv 5 other subjects to hold onto!
:D
Ciao (:

11th August 2008

Haven't blogged for quite awhile; just preoccupied with too many things on my mind these few days..
School.. Family.. Friends..
Oh well nothing about that, well but i'm just bored really; seems like school is getting boring with nothing much to do, well its been 5 days i've been bringing sweets to school, splitting the loot of sweets among my friends.
school work getting higher and heavier; cant even support it! (What's the meaning man?!)
Part one end: part two continued later (:

3rd August 2008

Im tired of posting the pictures of today, and didn't feel like doing it anyway. Will be posting tomorrow .
Wasn't so bad today I guess , woke up at 6am, went to macritchie reservoir park at about 7, went there to walk the trail to the stupid bridge . Damn far isn't it? Ok i didn't find any golfballs or anything, but I brought back, a foot full of blisters, a flu n cold dunno from where though.
Came back at 11am, slacked around in audi, play play earn dens aso do story.
Come 3pm went to golden village watch movie ,
wasn't so boring unlike hanging at home at de silly com all day -___-"
Still; brought dat flu along wif me . Used about 40-50 tissue paper liaos for today.
But come towards the end of the day; the flu n cold is still with me.
I Don't know if tomorrow can go school; see how my flu ><
_____________________________________________________________

Maybe i'm not going to school tomorrow; who knows right? Lets see first.

--SIGNED OFF 9:10pm 3rd August 2008--

1st August 2008

The gates are open; let hell begin! Surprisingly today i did great on my literature test; though i didnt really study for it but next week should know wads gonna happen. Sian today I stayed back to catch up on my physics test on heat, did great as well on it, at least I studied that.
I'm still going on the computer whenever I can; although I was suppose to go today to have pizza hut with my friend but never happened. donnoe why == .

This is stupid my misery has came back again! Now i'm feeling even more worst that im still getting pushed around again! Now its so difficult for my friends to treat me as one of them, I put it this way, asking them to be my friend is like asking them to get A1s in A.Maths and POA or to climb mount everest, swim across the pacific ocean.-.-

Can't you believe now I think my teachers are getting tired of listening and helping me with my problem as well. After all I don't care if they don't want to help, I don't force them too. But im glad the weekend is here and monday comes i bet 101% im gonna sit outside the commerce room again (It has became a nice environment to study in doesn't it?)

Another problem is my parents! Yes I was wrong that I forgot to put my uniform in the wash but do they have to yell at me? Even I told them that i did great on my 2 tests today and they were like, 'whatever' -.-.
To tell you the truth, I don't know what my friends see in me; they might see me as another fucking idiot or someone who is mentally stupid. I don't know.. My life is in a mess now, school, home, character problems and im still getting counselled in school. Isn't there no end to this misery?? IS LIFE SO DIFFICULT TO GET BY WITH?
I don't know.. It's like the whole world is tired of me.. T.T

--SIGNED OFF 8:56pm, 1st August 2008--

Just thought maybe I would like to upload some photos from wednesday to now.

yesterday de guys were playing rugby during pe lessons, I just take for fun .


Another of kok's drawings on de table; where's the head?


l0ls dis is in class; not sure wads zul doing though .


my handwriting (in red) on de board during our breaks on wednesday.


our class noticeboard! nice rite? l0ls


a talented fool playing on de piano -.- ; didnt take his face =P

29th July 2008

Hahas today ponten; si beii ho seiis ! Didn't do much today except studying and playing audi awhile nias. But beats schooling anyday! Sad im gonna be in school tomorrow.
Oh fuck POA SDSP tomorrow ==
Si bei tiring and cannot tahan sias..
Well at least tomorrow can wake up late! ^^
8:45 nid to be in school, not sure when im gonna wake up; hopefully not before than hahas ;D.
Went out to eat only today; ? Not boring? I would think so ..
To be continued later, now go eat den study later ==

Hahas ^^ =P

Today! Wasn't really so bad unlike de other days, well I told my friends about my expedition to macritchie and it was like, oh well, its not like you've been dere de 1st time anywae. POA comes and well as usual outside the torture chamber for me; can't you believe dat teacher of ours is so f****** unreasonable?? I was sent home last week and didn't know today's homework and she just like, oh whatever ==. But never minds I sat outside, better den in dat stupid room anywae D;.

Come english, vocab test! Didn't study for it and well at least I did manage to fill in de blanks after all, wasn't tough was it?
Combine humans. and 2 free periods for us! Well we did a worksheet on Tourism, den after dat was last period and I hang around chatting wif everyone else. i did wrote on de whiteboard a message to our class to keep going! I wouldn't play the sneak and just wrote it on the board. kinda nice anywae!

Im not going to school tomorrow! Though there's a physics test on heat and SSS, SDSP as well. Oh wells I ain't going tomorrow! Friends leave a tag on my board if deres homework, thanks hahas!

Well i gotta scram! Gonna have to revise my geography in a minute now!
BYEEEE! ^^ =P


L0ls kok hoong drew dis on de table; omg artist sehhs! Looks nice anywae.


Cool he drew another one of dose! hey doesnt it gets better and better? =P


Angels Wings; Looks realistic; wonder hw he drew dat? o.o


Before our combine humans. SDSP == Diaos si behhs tired liaos lor ..


Into the SDSP.. 4:40pm.. 4:45pm .. Zzzzzzs ==

--SIGNED OFF 8:33pm 28th July 2008--

27th July 2008

Ended up in marina square instead of Suntec city, well the admission was too costly, $12 a person to see flora? You've got to be joking !

Today went to Macritchie (Don't know how to spell==) reservoir, decided to go on the trail to the treetop bridge walk, 10.3km from the carpark lot. So I decided to go at 4:00pm, reach dere at 4:30.. walked on the path where the school cross country run used , ended up somewhere, looks like heaven, grass patches, blue sky, golfers teeing off, thats 6km later. So I went around a leaf bush and saw a even longer trail into the woods. 4km more to the bridge, and I gave up, I reached 6km at 5:15pm, went back to the carpark lot reached about 6:20. But great at least I found a golf ball in the woods, some golfer tee the ball off and landed on the tree, falling to the ground, and I picked it up. lols well at least I wasn't so disappointed after all. "Anyone up for golf ya?" l0ls

Tomorrow, DON'T REMIND ME! School!! Its back to square one and I'm sooooo nervous about 1st August, where my drilling begins @_@. Hey chills 2months of suffering might turn out to be lifetime enjoyment, just don't push it!
Combined Humans SSS and SDSP until 5, staying until 7pm to revise..
English test tomorrow on vocabs! (Better study! OMG!) ..
POA @@ Commerce Room (Torture chamber I call it -.-)
Well it aint that bad, last period is free anywae!)
Hope to get a great start on my new behaviour! Tired of being a all time feminine act and loser bum on brooklyn avenue -.-.
Lets see if my attitude tomorrow will set things right and smiling lols.
Gortta go! Cya tomorrow ! =P
^^

-SIGNED OFF 12:19AM, 28th July 2008--


ok dis so called funny fungus dat grows on de trunk of a fallen tree, looks sick @@


Lots of turtles out on a suntan @@! 6 of dem in fact. eeks! =P


A monkey on the ground! Well he hated the camera anywae so he turned his bck on me D;


A monkey monkeying around; on the tree eating something. l0ls


o.o turtle<3 !! =P now dats big; l0ls cant i bring it home? No i guess.. =(


The forest trail ==, 10km from the bridge, seems like no end to this trail @@


The trail to the bridge is still damn long way.. 5km more ><"

26th July 2008

I'm just bored. Can't you believe it? I thought saturday would usually be a fun day but nooooo! , its so boring! There's so much to look forward to the weekends, getting away from school, dis-stressing from misery and many other things. But not for today, its just b-o-r-i-n-g!

I just thought of bringing up a topic today, haven't discuss for quite awhile now, its called, "How to beat boredom anytime without needing to use the computer." Opinions will be posted at 10:00pm later, but now to see what I'm gonna do today~

4:00pm and I'm leaving for the suntec garden city exhibition, can't you believe seeing flowers and flora all over the world? I would hope its going to be interesting at the flower exhibit , would be uploading photos of the event !

I guess I would sign off now, nothing to do anyway, maybe audi or sleep bahhs.
Continued later, "SIGNED OFF 1:15p.m 26th July 2008"

25th July 2008

Oral today.. got 26/40 o.o" , and i thought that maybe i'll get 30 or higher like that. But guess not. Wore my blazer to school today due to the "cold" weather in the morning. Glad today's friday anyway. Wonder what to do over the weekend, defintely not the computer.

Audition is getting out of hand for me, it's like I don't know, just feel that i'm no longer who I am. I've changed, bad or worst? Good or better? People in audi regards me as their friends, do they really mean it ? I hope they aren't pulling my legs when they said that but, all I know is that I've become more and more miserable and sad, not angry.

I've lost my happiness totally from 16 years. Life has lost its meaning for me now and I stand alone in this mist of confusion with no direction for me to go. Misery has conquered my life now, don't know where and when will I find the light of happiness again. My 'o' levels decides my life, that's my main concern other than any other things, but how can i focus on my studies when i'm feeling so miserable all the time?

Not that I chose to be miserable but.. It suddenly gets to me, hits me at a unexact moment. I want to be and feel joyous and happy, but I just can't! I tried my best and I still failed. I know my friends are tired of me being miserable, I try to be happy so that my friends won't feel miserable along with me, but I just can't, no matter how fucking hard I tried. The sad thing is "No one understands how I feel", probably everyone thinks I'm just too free with nothing to do and to be miserable to catch other people's attention, but it's not my PLOY to do that.

I'll still try to get this misery off my back, it's hard but I can at least try once, twice, thrice and fourth again.
OFF TO DINNER! =P WILL CONTINUE AGAIN LATER ~

24th July 2008

I just leave it to fate to decide my future then. Now I've gotta concentrate more on my 'O' levels instead of worrying what's going to happen in my social life, imagine me against everyone; who could believe that I could stand out top in the end? Glad tomorrow's friday, and ENGLISH PRELIM ORAL is tomorrow at 3:30PM! Omg think i'm gonna get fright staaaaaaaaaring at the examiners... == . Oh well pray pray thens. I believe i'm going to sit for my physics test on mechanism , better start revisin' . Tomorrow will continue!
=P

Signed off 9:00pm, 24th July 2008

23rd July 2008

I'm tired of being a idiot. Why can't anyone accept me? Do I look like a idiot? What's with me that makes everyone hate me so much.. Fine I was born an idiot but do I need this kind of treatment? No right? God why did you give me this life?? I wish i'm normal who have good friends.. But No!! I ended up getting bully just because i'm different. SO WHAT if im different, i'm still human like you fucking idiots right??

1week more and its goodbye to audition, can't stand people calling me a noob and a cb kia.. I don't know its like I love only myself, my friends don't give a fuck about me neither do they care. (Ask them to care about me its like telling them to climb mount everest.) I wish I was a death victim at the Sichuan earthquake, I really ought to die , after all if god doesn't love me what's the point of me continuing to suffer in this horrible world?

I admit Im stupid, I admit im dumb and useless, I don't want to be with friends because I gave them mian zi.. Don't want them to look bad in front of others with me around, I'm just a idiot.

I haven't blog for so long, yes I know.. Schoolwork, stress, bullied by "friends", teased and kicked around by others. 10days ago I mentioned hopefully I will get good friends, but instead, even my friends who cared for me now are slowly betraying my friendship for them. I feel like asking, AM I STUPID? 99.9% will say yes, 0.01% will say no i'll bet ..
Continuing tomorrow, want to go and sleep right now, just don't have the mood to contiinue.

13th July 2008

Ohh Sunday! Guess its boring as usual.. hahas today slack in audi, wan chiong until main lvl 31 . Si bei sians today never go out, guess home is where i have to be contented with. Oops and lets see, surrounded with textbooks and lecture notes with a pile of homework stacked in front of me and its like .. wad the fuck man ? Do I really have to do all this ? You must be crazy, and i mean Siao sot!

Today saw my audi laopo online, say she gt problems wif audi bt i dun mind hahas, so we talk talk on msn. 2 weeks never play wif her miss her =X. celebrated my audi frens bdae via sms," wont it be craazy if i just say.. oh damn i forgot to giv u de present ==" . I dont noe, sounds stupid D:

MUNDANE MONDAY, sighs its back to school again, facing creeps and friends, teachers etc all around in north view, 3 more months!! Bear with it!
oops POA tomorrow, hope its not my turn becos i didnt study de theory for de oral tmr. ohhh god.. Well guess i gt to live wif it then, not that i have a choice == .

7am-7pm daily routine monday to thursdays, next month 7am-9pm even more stupid, if you're lazy like me . You can't bear the timings in school, especially if you don't have any friends ><"

--SIGNED OFF 10:08pm, 13th July 2008--

7th July 2008

There it goes again! Swell our youth day holiday flew by just as fast as we are suffering. I just can't stand school. I just don't know why it just gets to me sort of.. 2 reasons!

1. The "Friends" Or Fiends in this school that i can't stand.

2. Just sick and tired of it.

It's not that I just hate going to school, but I guess it just sucks luhhs cannot help it. I'm not like my any any other friends well, who don't mind going to school because they have other friends there too. What about me? I'm worst, get picked on, teased on, get insulted and many more in store.. Even the teachers are making things worst *Can't tell why*. Basically what does everybody and I mean everybody, has that I don't have? 2 things: 1. Friends 2. Normal people. It doesn't get any better from here, 3 more months down the road and i'm in for the time of this life though. Don't ou think it's just stupid? I find it stupid.. Of course you know my parents aren't making my life any better and worth living for.

Had 3 days of fun though I didn't blogged since saturday. Lets see, things didn't quite work out according to what i've planned. Yupps i saw them and then, oh well felt nervous. A crazy concept, Online: Friends, Offline: Strangers. Get the picture? I don't think you do anyway. But yea at least it was fun sort of? Went on to bugis bought a few pieces of clothings for around 90 bucks and that was it.

Sunday wasn't much, just hang around the computer almost all day .
Youth day today and went to causeway point to get my brooch and that was it. Boring isn't it? Wait till tomorrow and its even more boring than you think the past 3 days are boring. Ain't going to realise it but seeing teachers, "friends" for the next 4 days and the following 3 months. It makes you want to puke. Ain't looking forward going back to school tomorrow! 6am- 7pm 100days+ everyday, Can survive it? I tell you, if you hate studying and think everyday's boring, I don't think you will survive it.

--SINGED OFF 8:42PM, 7th July 2008--

4th July 2008

tomorrows my day, outing with sena and icey at bugis.. lols can't wait for that bt im actually looking forward to it hehes ;D .. well today wasn't much, only except today we had chinese 'O' level oral and it was pretty easy ya? just great I just hate some of my friends in school.. All the fuck they do is just tease me out of my face.. damn you know its just so fucked up sometimes .
Time for Bed, to be blogging tomorrow with pics ;D

--SIGNED OFF AT 1:09A.M, 5th July 2008--

2nd July 2008

I wish.. I should have treated my friends better from the start. Today during our SSS and SDSP after school, I kena made fun of from my friends again!! yesh i was deir guinea pig again.. I wish that my friends would stop bullying me, after all I'm getting tired of life. Though I plan not to go for my MTL oral on friday, what's the point? I have already failed my MTL and my oral would make my grades worst.. It seems I wasn't over sensitive after all. My friends have really took a penknife and slashed my heart with a scar which never heals.. AREN'T YOU GLAD I'M LEADING A LIFE OF HELL?? It's not fair for me to get bullied JUST BECAUSE I'M BORN MENTALLY RETARTED!! IS IT MY FAULT??! NO RIGHT? THEN WHY YOU CAN'T JUST.. Shut The Fuck Up and keep your comments to yourself! I feel like giving up, and commit suicide in the end.. But I have to hold on, since I promised someone that I would pass my 'O''s.. Thats myself. I'm just indifferent.. Why lay the blame on me to remorse and reprimand myself? - Maybe I'm a stupid irritating bastard that's why they hate me..
The stress of my 'O' levels are mounting on me.. How much can I take it? God knows .

All I asked for, is to have better friends ='( ..

No mood to continue.. Will continue tomorrow.

--SINGED OFF: 8:37PM 2nd July 2008--